To truly understand our partners, we need to go beyond simply listening to their words. We must also read between the lines and act accordingly, because genuine understanding involves being aligned with each other.
‘Understanding’ means knowing the different definitions you both have of the same word.
For example, as an introvert, my idea of “quality time” means having deep conversations in a quiet space. However, for my extroverted husband, “quality time” means going out for dinners.
We encounter problems when we fail to recognize each other’s definitions and appreciate the differences.
In our case, following my husband’s definition of “quality time” exhausted me, while following my definition bored him. It was not until we had a fight about it that we realized the root of the problem.
So fights, even though ugly at times, are important.
We may see them as conflicts and believe this relationship is not going to work or see them as opportunities to learn more about our partners and ourselves.
Because fights push us to share our deeper thoughts we don’t normally share. We hold them in for whatever reason and then scream it all out when frustrated. So you can either get critical or see fights as a means to understand where your partner is coming from.
‘Understanding’ our partners is an ongoing process.
Sometimes we might think we know everything about the people we’re closest to. But as we all change and grow over time, our thoughts, behaviors, and values can change too. So even the people we love might change in ways we don’t expect or understand at first.
The habits and thought process we once connected with may shift, and it’s important to pay close attention to these changes.
So to maintain our strong connections, it’s important to:
- Regularly check in with our partners
- Be open-minded and flexible to learn about their new interests and perspectives
